Grateful for an easy and peaceful service tonight. Got ahead on some prep for my coworker even though I'm not a fan of him. I contacted my ex because I realized my favorite tote bags was still at his house. I was just gonna cut my losses, but something urged me to get it back, like wanting the last piece of me back from his sphere of influence. I biked to his house after work. He looked good and told me something he did last week. I tried to act 'normal' and cordial, but really wanted to just run away with my bag. I knew there was a possibility of regressing if I saw him during this bag retrieval. I told myself that unless he asked to get back together, I did not want to stick around for chitchat. I'm not ready, and not sure if I ever will. And you know what, that's ok. I found myself feeling sad after seeing him. I was between negative thoughts of "I want to be with him so bad!" to "Ok, he's not right for me, but I'm also NEVER gonna find someone again!" I'm grateful that my friend Laura offered to retrieve it for me and was there for me after the event. She again, told me exactly what I needed to hear if I could give advice to myself. So so grateful for her existence in my life. I'm also grateful for the guy I went on a distraction date with last week who texted me today to tell me that he met someone he's decided to exclusively date. I didn't feel too bad since I didn't feel that strongly about him, but SUPER impressed by his character. Not only did he seem like a genuine person when we met, but his text gave me also hope that there are still great, polite people out there. Instead of just ghosting me, he let me know. I didn't expect that at all. We didn't have the chemistry but I'm so happy for him! I found myself genuinely wishing him all the best. What a lucky girl!
I'd like to continue with this journal without the pressure of a # of days goal, but just to do something healthy for my mind. I'm also setting a new personal goal of going to sleep before 2am. This was gonna be my new year's resolution but the break up really messed that up. I hope to give that another try starting tomorrow. The only reason I didn't accomplish this tonight is because I decided to restore my mental health by doing some late night chores. I put away my laundry, dis my dishes, cleaned the bathroom, the sharpened my knife. The last activity required a bit more time and caused me to go pass 2am. However, it was the activity that gave me to most peace. My old chef always said, sharp knife, sharp mind.